Understanding Ego through Body Pain
Pain is a mystery to a lot of people. Why do I have a sore back? I must have been overworking it. Or maybe I slept on it wrong? This or that [physical event] must have happened to it?
It usually doesn’t strike someone that this kind of thinking is creating a separation between them and their pain. “My back needs a massage” feels akin to “My car needs to be repaired”. When one recognizes “I am experiencing pain” as different than a certain body part feeling pain, it changes their notion of ownership. The reality is, my back is ME – it is what I have created to represent myself. The pain I am experiencing is indicating something I am doing to it.
Pain is usually derived from the mind’s inner conflicts with itself: “The ego”, as it’s usually called. It’s crucial to recognize that these many different parts of the mind have positive intentions. They mean well. They are unaddressed elements of childhood thinking, with different frames of reality than your adult self. The values of these unaddressed parts often differ from one another as well.
I’ve been working hard on understanding the root cause of my chronic muscle pain, which I believe to be intimately related with my Allergies (to grass, cats, oak, dairy…). I’ve recently gotten myself a foam roller, which I used to force my back to crack a little bit. It feels good, but it’s not ‘the’ solution, because the pain is still there – waiting to be fully experienced so that my psyche can fall back into alignment.
I made a discovery about that pain while meditating outside by a river. I’ve been told this before, so it’s not really I who’s discovered it, but I really applied it for the first time. I found that all of our pain bodies – our stuck emotions causing chronic physical pain – are like disowned children. We deny their existence and hope they go away. So, I really practiced owning all of it and saying ‘this pain is mine, that pain is mine’. I imagined I had made a big mess in a room and finally took responsibility by simply admitting that it was my mess to clean up. I also continued this process while working, chanting, walking, and eating – and I’ve been healing myself and making internal discoveries quite often since then. Anytime I feel more pain come up, I simply send it the message “I’m sorry I’ve disowned you – you are a part of me – you are mine”.
In the past, I found that I’d been fighting my pain saying GO AWAY which just fed the separation more, but now that I’ve decided to CONNECT with it I am really healing it. That connection is created through the electrical signal that we call emotion – so waves of emotion have been passing through me during this process. Sometimes it feels like a shiver – sometimes it feels like ecstasy, but I never regret it – connection always feels right.
Speaking of “healing” – isnt that another word for repairing, again? If I have to ‘heal’, then it implies I am broken. The reality is – pain is simply caused by my own resistance, of which I am mentally learning to let go (and passing this knowledge on to my muscles as well). Everything is working just as it’s supposed to – it is me who has made the decisions to be as I am.
I’ll continue to monitor how this does in my larger project of reversing my allergies and will make a more significant post about that in the future 🙂
Thanks for reading! I’d love to know about your experience with this as well.